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2004-11-04 - 3:43 p.m. I went to my old church last night with my grandparents. There was something heartbreaking about being at the small little church-room where I was several times a week as a child. The same posters on the wall, the same people—just older, and more babies added to the families. It was odd, and comforting, and sad listening to my own voice fall into the old harmonies to the songs I’ve sung so many times that even after years of not singing I somehow still remember. I haven’t been there in ages, and everyone stared out of curiosity and disapproval. I was wearing a loose chocolate colored sweater, but tight jeans and when I went out to use the bathroom I felt all the eyes on the fabric molding closely around every curve. Am I such a different person than I was? Sitting there among all the innocent children and adults that have loved and prayed for me from birth I felt so lonely all the sudden, so jaded. I feel separated from all the memories somehow: I know them well, but it is like I am viewing them in video from the outside. I miss the girl I used to be, yet I am happy with who I am now…it’s disconcerting…
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